NOT ONE LESSON

This is a picture of the Buckhead Station. It basically sits beneath our church building, a block to the south. Sometimes during the quieter parts of our service, you can hear it roll in. It takes me to most hospital calls going north. Going south, it runs into the midtown and on down. Though this station wasn’t around then, I remember my grandfather taking me on the train for the first time somewhere back in the late 70s. Perhaps the biggest memory was during the fall of 1990, when Atlanta was announced as the 1996 Olympic city. The next day, hundreds of us from school met at the Avondale Station and rode into town for the Ticker-Tape parade. Yes, we skipped school, but amnesty was granted on account of the situation. Since then I’ve ridden a lot of miles on Atlanta’s sub-par rail system. I enjoy watching all the cars sit still while we roll over them from above. But I also love the sights and sounds of the people on the train.

Yesterday I cut a conversation short with my friend Jonathan because my son and I had to catch the train by 4:00pm to make a wedding rehearsal on the south side. He said, “You should do a TOP FIVE on the types of people on the train.”

Brilliant.

So here’s my list. I’m sure there are more. Please add your observations.

1. THE EATER – There’s a sign in every car that prohibits eating on the train. On the same sign are rules like: no guns, no pets, etc. It’s pretty clear. But these people don’t care. And I’m not talking about Cliff bars, fruit or Smoothies; I’m talking about full-on hot meals. When my wife commuted to work on the train, I would ask her how the ride was. She would say, “Everything was fine until the Lasagna came out!” Nothing ranks up the scene faster than hot food on a crowded train. The Eater is usually oblivious to the sensory chaos he is causing. We are in the south, so people aren’t saying anything, but they do look at the person. If you listen closely, you can hear someone on their phone say, “Yeah, it’s crowded. And someone just started eating. I’m going to throw up.”
2. THE SINGER – I love the singer. This person does NOT care about anything going on around them. They just sing. There are two types of singers, perhaps a sub-catagory to this one. First, there is the untethered singer. No iPod needed. Secondly, of course, there is the iPoder. Now with the first type of singer, you just enjoy. With the second, most people are laughing because of pitch problems and because that person can’t hear you laughing. About three weeks ago there was a man in his 40s coming home from work and you could hear the music from across the car. He was moving his head to the beats, but not singing. Check this: on his belt was a Walkman tape player, spinning his favorite tape. The headphones were huge. To this day I wonder what he was listening to. I pray it was Grand Master Flash. (One day I want to hear THE SAME PLACE WITH DIFFERENT NAMES by Death Cab. What a great train song. I guess I could sing it.)
3. THE TRAVELER – Very easy to pick out. Oversized suitcase, a train map, a tentative look on their face, looking around at everyone the whole time, and standing up (often at every stop) checking the map on the car wall. This person is fun to watch when No.2, THE SINGER, boards the train. So funny. “Welcome to the hip-hop capital of the south, my friend! Enjoy the free and overbearing vibes!” With most of the city conventions in our neighborhood of Buckhead, I talk to these people often, helping them find where they need to go.
4. THE WOODWARD KIDS – This one is local. Every day hundreds of Woodward Academy kids fill up the cars with their Northface bags, Vera Bradley backpacks, trashed Birkenstocks, frat hair, crested blazers and the latest iPhones stacked with all the apps. Loud conversations can be heard about calculus, school drama, parties, sex and the BMW that “daddy took away” because of bad decisions that were made in the aforementioned talking points.
5. THE TALKER – There’s one on every car. This is the person that talks to everyone that sits anywhere near him. About anything and everything. It usually starts mid-thought. I sit down and he says, looking right at me, “It’s crazy what they did to that man in Decatur, don’t you think?” I answer, “Sure is.” He fires back, “They’d have to drag me away, you know what I’m sayin’?” (No, I don’t.) I respond, “Yep. That’s true.” Now he moves closer. I should have remembered. Don’t answer more than once. More than one response, they move in. Now he’s in my seat and for the next four stops I’m giving ambiguous answers to someone who has very particular and passionate thoughts going on in his head. You can try to escape by reading or even turning the iPod on, but it won’t help. The conversation usually ends (on my part) when I get up and say, “Welp, see you around.” He says, “Yeah, man! Good talkin’ with you. Be careful out there.”

Those are my top five. There are more, like:

• The Texter
• The Sports People (Those in town for the big game)
• The Crazy Person
• The Couple (You know what I’m talking about!)
• The Reader

If you can add to the list, weigh in. Or just give me a story!